I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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