Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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