You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
