God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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