So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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