I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He shit in the fireplace
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