I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
