Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
