I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
