All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
