If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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