I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
