If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
