we have officially lost it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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