the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
