I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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