yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
its not stalking. its research.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
