you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
