I must be too annoying 4 u.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
