I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
