Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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