I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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