hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
