i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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