You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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