i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
