I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
