Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
