I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
