please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
