my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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