There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
