she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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