your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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