In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
