Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
