you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
