It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
