guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Are these your boobs on my camera?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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