Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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