Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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