ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
