is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
