Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
