I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
