I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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