dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
