oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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