yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
