He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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